How do i explain this to my kids?
When The News is Scary
As parents, we work hard to be a source of safety and calm for our children, even when the world feels anything but safe. Many parents in Minnesota and across the United States are being overwhelmed with news of political violence. Parents are scared, angry, overwhelmed, and unsure of what to say. As parents, we need to say something. Our kids are sensing that something is wrong; their teachers are scared, their parents are distracted, the grown ups who are usually steadfast and calm are acting different. And still, they are looking to us for guidance.
If you’ve wondered how on Earth do you talk to your kids about what is going on, this post offers practical, compassionate ways to talk with your kids about political violence in developmentally appropriate ways, even when you are carrying fear of your own.
Tips FOR Supporting and Talking TO YOUR KIDS
Focus on Safety
Kids need their parents to feel safe. This means parents need to be predictable, calm, and regulated, and this is not an easy task.
Children, especially younger ones, may need reminders of safety. While younger children , toddlers and pre-schoolers, may not know what is happening in the community at large, they will pick up on the adult stress.
Older children, who are in school, may feel more fear when they are out of home and will need conversation around safety out of the home.
What to Say
Younger Children:
“You are safe when you are with me”
“Our home is a safe place”
“My job is to keep you safe and I am going to do my job”
“We are okay right now. We are safe together”
“Sometimes things feel scary and you can always come to me when you are scared and I will help you”
School-Age Children
“There are a lot of grown ups who work hard to keep you safe. When you are at school your teacher will keep you safe. When you are at home we will keep you safe”
“If you ever feel unsafe somewhere, tell me and we will leave”
“You’re not alone. Many people are worried and scared. I am worried too. But we will handle this together as a family and keep our family safe”
Older Children
“If you ever feel unsafe, call me and I will come get you”
“Let’s make a plan for what to do if you are in an unsafe situation. Let’s come up with a list of people who can help”
“I’m scared too, and I don’t always know the answer, but I will do my best to figure it out with you”
Be factual
Children are going to hear things about what is happening in Minnesota and in country. It is better that they hear a correct version of facts from you than an incorrect version from friends.
Giving children information does not create more fear. When you share age appropriate information children feel seen and they know you are not lying to them.
Present the facts but follow up with reminders of what you will do to keep them safe and how you will keep your community safe.
You are the best judge of what your child is ready to hear. Children have different levels of maturity.
If you are unsure of what your child know, ask them.
What to Say
Younger Children
“Many of our neighbors and friends from other countries are scared right now. There are people who don’t think they should be here. We love them and will make them feel welcome”
“There are many people who are hurt and mad about the way people in our community are being treated. They are being loud and standing up for people”
“Maria isn’t at school this week because her parents are keeping her home so she’s safe. There are some people who would be mean to her family, but your teachers and her parents are protecting her”
School-Age Children
“Some people have been hurt trying to protect others. Many people are working together to stop this and to protect their neighbors”
“It is confusing right now because the people who should be keeping our country safe are not. This is making a lot of people scared and angry. There are a lot of helpers working to change this and fight for what is right”
“You might have noticed that some of your classmates are not at school this week. There are some people who would separate them from their families because they do not believe they belong. Their parents, your teachers, and our community is finding ways to keep them protected. Staying at home right now is the safest option for them. We can reach out and find out if there is something we can do to help them”
Older Children
“People in our city have been killed while they were standing up for others. It is important to continue to stand up for what you believe in. Our family is going to find a way to protect our neighbors and keep every one safe”
“You have seen a lot of violence and harm to others on the news lately. I know people are talking about it at school and online. What questions do you have for me?”
“I know you’re mad and scared about what is happening. I’m mad and scared too. Let’s talk about how we can channel these emotions into helping others”
ACTION AS AN ANTIDOTE TO FEAR
Many kids will want to help. Children, like adults, like to feel agency and a part of something bigger.
Remind them that when we feel afraid we can find hope and help in our community.
Take action together as a family. Find causes to support that are important to your family.
Choose your actions based on your comfort level and what you know about your child.
Act Together
Younger Children
Go shopping for supplies
Donate to a food bank or shelter
Make an inclusive sign to display
Send a friend who is sheltering at home a card
School-Age Children
Donate or volunteer at a food bank or shelter as a family
Make a sign to display
Attend a community event
Drop off food/homework/library books to a family who is sheltering at home
Older Children
Volunteer, donate to important causes
Attend a protest (if you think it is safe)
Make a welcoming sign to display in your yard, or a protest sign
Take your children to vote. Explain to them who you are voting for and why (how the candidates align or don’t align with your values)
Seek out a youth group that is working on a cause you care about
For specific information about gun violence and school shootings read more here.
