What is Co-Regulation?

If you have spent any time in the therapy world, you’ve probably heard the word “co-regulation”. And while it may be a bit of a therapy buzz word, it is important! Co-regulation is the process in which someone is able to calm themself through the presence of another person who is responsive, calm, and grounded. Co-regulation is an important way we learn how to regulate our emotions, work through challenging situations and cope with disappointment and sadness.

Co-regulation works through our nervous system. When we are feeling mad, anxious, scared, or generally dysregulated, our nervous system sends us into a survival response of fight, flight, or freeze. Being in these response states makes our nervous system work in overdrive. When our nervous system is working this hard we feel out of sorts. When this happens we feel alone and disconnected from those around us. People have a natural desire to connect with others. When we are connected with others we feel calm, grounded, and present in our environment. If we are in the presence of someone who is calm we can adjust our bodies and brains to match their regulation through our connection with them

Think of co-regulation as “borrowing calm.” When you are upset you do not feel calm, being in the presence of someone who is calm can allow your nervous system to feel safe enough to relax and to match their level of calm. Co-regulation is incredibly important, we all feel upset at times, and having relationships with others that we can feel safe with, is key to finding our own calm.